I was surprised.

Why do many women become people pleasers? An interesting question that I have spent a long time pondering. Wondering why. Is it a self-esteem issue? Childhood trauma? Teenage challenges? Divorce? Toxic relations? 

All of these reasons and many more. Programming, commercials, the list goes on. People find themselves pleaser so as not to be harmed, criticized, or bullied. Often this behavior begins over safety concerns. They often find it easier to go along with things instead of pushing back. Over the course of years, their behavior is reinforced by those around them. They attract people who seek out people pleasers. For many women being a people pleaser truly does not negatively impact their life. They have learned, in their mind, the power of going along to get along.

You see, I recognized people, as pleasers because I was one on steroids. I made the average please look like a rookie. I would always go along choosing the path of least resistant. I would not ask for things I truly desired so as not to upset anyone. This behavior drove my husband nuts. He constantly told me to say no, to ask for what I wanted. I would build up the courage to do just that until a dirty look, a pause, a cross word, someone criticizing me, and I would hide. 

Growing up with a highly critical mother and a father who worked seven days a week, I was left alone. When my father would call home every evening for his 30 min call, he talked to my brother about sports, my sister about math then there was me. Bless his heart, he also needed to eat lunch and try to catch his breath during those 30 minutes. When it was my turn to talk, I would sense he was in a hurry and say all was good. I struggled in school but subconsciously thought no one had time, so why would I?

This is how people pleasing can start. You want attention and learn bad attention is better than no attention, which can lead you down a very dark path. 

If these podcast triggers you, or sound familiar, take the time to research, I wish I had understood what this was before I was in my early 60s. 

Here is a definition of a people pleaser. https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-stop-being-a-people-pleaser-5184412